Renowned therapist Pia Mellody has written extensively on the core practices that are essential for being a healthy, functioning adult. It can be helpful to look at the five core practices when reflecting on our goals for therapy.
1 Self-Esteem
The practice of being in healthy self-esteem is being centered in knowing we are not more than others nor less than others. Our gifts don’t make us better than others, and our shortcomings don’t make us less than others. It is in knowing that we are in the same as position in terms of how we feel about ourselves regardless of external factors. Self-esteem is the practice of loving
oneself.
2 Boundaries
The practice of healthy boundaries is the practice of protecting oneself. It is recognizing how we feel and creating a rule internally and/or externally to protect our personal time, space, resources, and emotional wellbeing. Having boundaries keeps us from pushing past our capacity and helps prevents resentments from building.
3 Reality
The practice of reality, being real, is the practice of knowing oneself. It is showing up as your authentic self and living in congruence with what is true to oneself about how one thinks, feels, and responds in any situation. We are influenced by our childhood experiences and the systems and situations we live in and operate in. Part of living in reality is the awareness of what is the real us versus learned behaviors and external pressures. It is living as your authentic self.
4 Interdependency over Dependency
The practice of interdependency is the practice of self-care. Independence and codependency are extreme ways to get our needs met. Both of these dependency issues are due to working in extremes. When we allow others into our world to help us, we take care of ourselves.
5 Moderation
The practice of moderation is the practice of balancing the self. We live in a world of polarities. The practice of moderation involves striving to achieve balance in our approach to our lives and avoid working in the extremes. Failing to live in moderation can cause issues such as addiction, overindulgence, or neglect of self-care.